


Beyond Our Star

by Tat_Tat



Series: Steven Universe Fics in 2016 [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Complete, Episode Related, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-11 22:15:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 57
Words: 16,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5643799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tat_Tat/pseuds/Tat_Tat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Pearl was something else, unexplainable, a frightening possibility that couldn’t be contained. It wasn’t just that Pearl could fight, it was that she fought for herself. </i>
</p><p> </p><p>A collection of gen Steven Universe drabbles and one-shots.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Answer l Garnet, Pearl

Garnet was afraid of Pearl. She imagined that must be what Blue Diamond and her court felt when Ruby and Sapphire fused. Pearl was something else, unexplainable, a frightening possibility that couldn’t be contained. It wasn’t just that Pearl could fight-- it was that she fought for herself. 

She looked so put together doing it all, fitting into a role that wasn’t made for her, snug as a glove. Garnet was faintly jealous. She still didn’t know who she was or what being Garnet meant for her-- meant for them. But she was learning every day. Once she got the hang of walking, living as Garnet continuously, she was ready to learn how to fight as Garnet.

By then she and Pearl were friends, but because they were close, she was acutely aware of what Pearl was capable of. She could slice soldiers into ribbons with finesse. Her blows were always quick. Garnet wasn’t sure if she would be able to predict them. 

The sword Pearl used when they sparred was dull. The steel was blotchy and didn’t catch the light. Likely a practice sword to assuage Garnet’s nerve, Rose’s suggestion, she supposed.

The sword in Pearl’s hand now was stunning. It made one of Garnet’s eyes close, temporarily blinded. All around them there was chaos. Rose was somewhere else on the battlefield and Pearl’s composure was in shreds, one hand gripping her sword, the other tearing through her hair. 

“Garnet-- what... what should we do?!” Her clear blue eyes were blind with panic, searching Garnet’s face for an answer.

Garnet paused, as scared as Pearl and just as lost as her. She had no answers, nothing to calm her.

“Please,” Pearl begged. “Tell me what to do... “

Garnet’s vision blurred. It was like a film had developed over Pearl’s form, showing a distant far future image of her: Pearl with shorter hair, a star emblem on her chest, bracing herself against a wall. 

“I’m just a pearl,” she said, the two images becoming one, her voice echoing in Garnet’s head. “I’m useless on my own. I need someone to tell me what to do...”

The other image of Pearl and her voice receded, leaving only the present Pearl that Garnet was familiar with. “Please, Garnet.”

Garnet couldn’t speak. She didn’t know what to say, only the words Pearl wanted to hear. She refused to say those words, flimsy as they were. She wanted to say something better, something Pearl could believe, but they were alone and she was just as lost as she was. But they had a future. Garnet still saw that. She took Pearl’s hand and led her across, out of harm’s way. 

As they ran she hoped that when Pearl asked her that again, she would have the words.


	2. Steven's Birthday

i.

“What is that?” 

Pearl followed Peridot’s scrutinizing gaze and chuckled. “Oh, these? These are the blueprints for Steven’s Birthday cake.”

ii.

Steven had taught them all they needed to know about birthdays last year. That was when Garnet decided she would tell him about Ruby and Sapphire. It would be the perfect present.


	3. It could've been great l Peridot

i.

The fire was roaring behind her back and they were all staring up at her. Steven hadn’t even started to roast his marshmallow when Peridot hopped on the tree stump, coughed into her fist, and drew their attention.

“Hmm... ah.." She had decided on the words moments ago. Now she struggled to find them again, feeling stagefright. “I’m… I’m going to sing something.”

She tried to ignore the look Pearl darted at Steven and Amethyst's cheeky grin. And she might’ve stepped down from the stump but she had already said she would sing.

ii.

Before they came to Earth, they landed on the moon. It was an unsuitable territory, but ideal for observing the potential planet neighboring it. The clear vantage point made it easy to envision their ideal. 

iii.

Garnet had demolished the control panel; Peridot stared at the white rubble after Steven had stormed off, disappointed in her.

She stared at the rubble. The blueprints for the Homeworld colony Earth could have been remained crystal clear. She could still see it, that potential. That wasted potential they were all too dumb, too rebellious to understand.

The diamond statuette winked at her from the corner of her eye and she did not hesitate to take it.


	4. Message Recieved l Peridot, Yellow Diamond, Yellow Pearl

i.

“Which peridot?” Yellow Diamond asked, sounding bored.

Peridot balked, she had been with the Crystal Gems and Steven for so long she had forgotten that she was just one of many vying for Yellow Diamond’s attention.

ii.

“Yo, Peri-snot!”

Peridot didn’t understand most of Amethyst’s nicknames for her, but she knew that one in particular had been used once when Amethyst was angry at her.

“What? What’d I do?” she asked, shoulders raised defensively.

“Nothing,” Amethyst said. “I just decided that nickname was cool too.”

iii.

Yellow Pearl was her secretary, fielding calls, sorting transmissions. She decided what was worthy of her matriarch’s attention (not much); more often she replied to messages for her. Or ignored them. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t being petty, deleting the Peridot Facet 2F5L Cut 5SG's message. The video had been fuzzy, obviously resorting to archaic methods to make contact with Yellow Diamond. The peridot looked like she was barely keeping it together. Yellow Pearl wasn’t surprised to hear that a gem so inept had lost track of her informant and escort, and on top of that, was stranded.

Yellow Pearl didn’t like her. She could blow up with the planet for all she cared.


	5. Log Date 7 15 2    l Peridot

Designating suitable pairings was one of many of Peridot’s duties when she worked in the kindergartens. She would mark the progress of the quartz and other soldier gems individually, noting their strengths and weakness. The goal was to build a team that drew on each other’s strengths and made up for their weaknesses. 

Peridot preferred working this task alone. Another Peridot's help made things difficult. Often, they would have different opinions on suitable teams, spending more time arguing than getting work done.

It had been a long time since she had drawn up a chart, and she spent three straight days analyzing all of the characters in Camp Pining Hearts, forgetting the drill completely. She wasn’t home, but the exercise made her feel closer to it.


	6. Super Watermelon Island

She woke up to a great rumbling, rock vibrating against her from all sides. It was dark, cramped, and it smelled like home. It wasn’t quite a perfect fit, not like the hole she had emerged from in the kindergarten, but she felt safe here, wedged between rock. 

She looked up. She couldn’t hear anyone’s voices, not with all this rumbling. She hoped they all forgot about her, at least for awhile. She would be back, but not before she rested, alone, comfortable amid the chaos.


	7. Gem Drill

I.

“Have you seen my electronic keyboard?” Greg asked Steven. Steven shrugged.

Peridot overheard them from behind the barn and clutched the instrument to her chest.

Ii.

Halfway to the center of the Earth, Steven recognized the tune. “Hey. . . isn’t that from my dad’s keyboard?”

Peridot waved her hand. “Let’s not distract ourselves with minor details, Steven.”

Iii.  
Steven was feverish, clutching his head. The Cluster was emerging. They were probably going to die, but Peridot turned to him and said, “Are you going to be okay?”

Iiii.

The hand. The hand. Peridot recognized that hand. How it held her earnestly, gripping for purchase, the softness of its fingers. How it gestured, silently screaming. The hand was disembodied, but she recognized the gem it belonged to. Peridot backed away, trembling.

A quartz pounced on top of it, extinguishing the physical form, and then promptly bubbled the gem shard. 

“It’s okay,” the quartz said. “They don’t know where they are, what they’re doing.”

It was not okay. Peridot was still trembling.


	8. Same Old World

Leaves came in different colors and changed with the seasons. Lapis found comfort in that, plucking leaves from trees and pressing them in the journal Steven had given her (along with the first leaf he had gifted her).

Pearl had noticed her book once and suggested she press flowers too, but it wasn’t the same. The edges of petals would darken as if tea-stained. Blooms withered while leaves persevered and changed with the seasons-- adaptable.

She hoped she could adapt too. She still didn’t feel like she belonged, but with each leaf she kept and page turned, she felt like she was getting closer.


	9. Same Old World 2

The Galaxy Warp was in shambles, just like her nerves. Greg was with Rose and Pearl couldn’t bear it, had tried to bear it for months. Her feet seemed to move on her own, her body numb, anger coursing through her, head spinning.

The fog lifted when her feet stopped, in front of the warp to Homeworld’s Galaxy. In the center of the steps was a giant lightning shaped fissure and the once grandiose columns that heralded in it’s center had fallen in, like everything else, rubble at her feet.

Pearl had given up everything for Rose and what did it show for? She was trapped here, Rose was all she had wanted, needed and it hurt that Rose could replace her like that. Pearl was used to that- a pearl had to expect to be replaced. But she had always hoped, despite the negative thoughts that needled their way in, that Rose was different.

Pearl knew all the warp pads were inactive here, but in her fury had entertained the idea that maybe Garnet’s fists weren’t as thorough in their beating. Pearl imagined leaving Earth, leaving Rose. . .and how Rose would have regret fraternizing with another human. She would miss Pearl, search for her, ache for her, just as she had for Rose. Then she would finally understand. . .

Pearl sighed, sliding her back against what remained of the warp pad’s column. She sat down and felt the fight knockout of her. There wasn’t any point, the warp pads did not work, and she knew that even if they did work, she wouldn’t leave as long as Rose was here.

Pearl sat, the back of her head pressed against the crystalline column. She could feel the stars above bear down on her. She knew what was out there. She wondered what was happening without her and if only her memories remained of those places, if the planets she had traveled to had been decimated by their sun.

Her fingers moved, fidgeted with the rubble as she stared up into the night sky, eyes focused on HomeWorld’s Galaxy. Shimmering dust ran between her fingers as she burrowed into the rubble. She wasn’t thinking. Her body moving as she distanced herself from her surroundings, her mind in a haze.

Then her hand wrapped around something sleek and whole. Her eyes widened, firmly taking hold of the object as she gently extricated it from the remaining rubble beneath it.

It was a mirror, in nearly perfect condition- Pearl had turned it over and shook her head,. 

They had found similar belongings at the Galaxy Warp before. Things forgotten in the bustle of chaos. Pearl was surprised to have found the mirror, but she was certain of its function, turning it so the reflective side was facing her.

The visions the mirror reflected were intricate in detail, one image melting into another like oils on canvas and endlessly changing, always moving like the tide. Pearl lost herself in the images, thinking about her life then, the things she had left behind. The mirror did as well.


	10. The First Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was rewatching the first episodes and these drabbles kinda fell out. Whoops.

**Gem Glow**

The space where the Cookie Cat mini fridge used to sit looked so empty now, Sadie thought, sympathizing with Steven.

 

**Laser Light Cannon**

Amethyst knew she should be taking the Red Eye more seriously, but she thought it was fun when Garnet threw her like a living javelin.

“Throw me again! I think I got it!”

 

**Cheeseburger Backpack**

Garnet knew Steven had made a mistake by packing everything but the Moon Goddess statue. She struggled not to say anything. This was a test and helping would spoil the results and Steven’s confidence. She saw he forgot the statue and she saw that he would learn later that he had failed the test. But she also saw that more than half of his ideas would work.

This path to failure created many more paths compared to the other futures she saw. The decision was hard; the most fruitful ones always are.


	11. Barn Mates

After the ball game, after watching Peridot willingly give herself away to the Ruby fusion to protect them, Lapis started to see what Steven saw in the green gem.

She was different. She had changed, although she was as mouthy and arrogant as ever. Maybe that would change too. Lapis could hope.

They never implemented the line Steven drew on the floorboards and Lapis didn’t care that Peridot took the paint cans or the other Earth junk strewn about the barn. She did like to see what Peridot made out of it. Peridot had found a stray laminated floorboard and said she was going to use it to make a diving board for their pool. When Lapis asked what a diving board was and Peridot explained it, she had laughed at her and said, “Or I could just throw you in.”

Peridot had been surprisingly receptive to that idea.

The days were long, but Lapis liked them because she was free. Peridot would occasionally complain that she was bored and Lapis would snippily reply that she couldn’t even fathom boredom.

“You try being trapped in a mirror for over a thousand years.”

That always shut Peridot up and she would shuffle to the other side of the barn, suddenly able to find a project to preoccupy herself with.

They had always fought on the ship, Peridot oblivious to this, convinced she was ‘charming’. They still sometimes fought, but not as often. More often they watched the sunrise, and later that night, stargazed. Lapis had done plenty of stargazing in the mirror, stranded at the Galaxy Warp, but with Peridot beside her, it was less lonesome and her heart didn’t pang quite as much, seeing the glint of Homeworld’s galaxy. She knew there was nothing there for her now.

There was something on Earth for her. She took stock in Steven’s words, his confidence that she could find something. He had been right about Peridot.

“We can find whatever you like about Earth together, Lazuli,” Peridot said. “You don’t have to be alone anymore.”

She showed Lapis her collection of Camp Pining Hearts tapes and they didn’t watch the sunrise for days. Instead of stars, they gazed at the television screen. Lapis had found something she liked– season five, much to Peridot’s bewildered distaste.

And that was okay, they decided after a one-sided heated argument (in which Lapis may have been provoking Peridot for her own amusement). They didn’t have to always agree. They had plenty of other things too. They had the stars, the sunrise, and nothing but time. Trust, they were still working on, but they were closer, and that was a start.


	12. Hit the Diamond

I

The air was clear once the Rubies had left, allowing Peridot to voice something that had been on her mind earlier “that… ‘sports’ you were doing looking like fun.”

Ii.

Jasper had seen something familiar coast through the skyline, it looked like a rescue vessel but she had already mistaken the human aircrafts for rescue ships several times already and she wasn’t in the mood for that headache.

iii.

The ship had already exited Earth’s atmosphere when the leader of the Rubies adjusted her visor and said, “Does anyone know which one’s Neptune?”


	13. Steven Floats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for tonight's episode!

Kofi had been particularly tired that evening after he closed Fish Stew Pizza. Saturdays were always busy and his daughter Jenny had gone on several deliveries while he and Kiki, his more hard-working daughter, manned the counter and made pizzas.

His feet were sore, his back hurt, complaints he voiced loudly in front of his daughters, but kept silent in his elderly mother’s presence. He was amazed she was more spry than him at twice his age.

He had important plans after work. He was going to kick off his shoes, lean back into the easy chair and watch late night television. What ended up happening was discovering his car had been broken into, his phone was missing, and staying up until one in the morning talking to the police and filing a report for vandalism and theft.

All in all, he was glad they were closed on Sunday.


	14. Steven Floats 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by this:
> 
> http://tat-buns.tumblr.com/post/151134845439/y-u-no-ship-gamethyst-discount-supervillain#notes

Carl Parks gripped the armrests, face forward, trying not to glance at the person at the corner of his eye.

There was a boy outside the window, dark curly hair, wearing a shirt with a star on the front and missing one sandal. There was something on his belly that caught the moonlight. If Carl Parks was not afraid to look at him, he would have noticed it was a pink gemstone, where the boy’s bellybutton should be. Then Carl Parks would have wondered quizzically about this peculiar feature instead of gripping the armrests, sweltering in his tan trench coat.

Because Carl Parks was in a plane, high in the sky, and the boy was on the other side, fogging up the window and writing a message.

Carl Parks squeezed his eyes shut and hoped the boy would disappear. 

Eventually, he did, but not his message, wishing him a safe flight.


	15. Drop Beat Dad

i.  
Nine years ago Sour Cream watched Marty’s sports car drive away and wished he could go with him.

ii.  
Steven never noticed how heavy the boxes were. He just wanted to help Sour Cream.

iii.  
The fridge was stocked full of Guacola. It was the only thing Onion wanted to drink anymore. He was upset when it was discontinued.

iiii.  
At first Sour Cream was embarrassed to see his mom show up at the raves he DJed. Now he nearly always expected her and would be disappointed if she couldn’t come. When he saw her in the crowd, he would play her favorite songs and watch her pick up the beat, dancing like she was sixteen again.


	16. Drop Beat Dad 2

There were a couple of reasons why Yellowtail was concerned about Sour Cream’s interest in raver music. The music was loud and didn’t make sense, and it knocked out the power and rattled the walls.

Vidalia didn’t mind it, supported it. She was always like that-- she had encouraged him to buy the boat and start his own fishing business after years of working under someone else. That’s why he loved her, because she let people express themselves. Yellowtail wished he shared that admirable patience as he reset the breakers again.

The real and greatest concern Yellowtail had about the DJ thing was that Sour Cream meant to make it a career. Yellowtail had met Marty and he had wondered if that man had ever been a decent fellow. Would the music business warp his stepson into an arrogant leech? 

The music business was fickle. Yellowtail knew that, but Sour Cream didn’t. When Marty drove into town (two scant times and only out of obligation), Sour Cream only saw the red sports car, the blinding white teeth, and shoes that cost as much as Yellowtail’s boat. He didn’t know that Marty asked Vidalia for gas money later that evening, or that he had filed for bankruptcy, or that he was skin and bones, spending more on material items than food to supplement his image instead of his wellbeing. Sour Cream had seen only what he wanted to see and Marty was proud to preen and show off the illusion, strutting like a peacock.

Yellowtail wanted Sour Cream to be a fisherman, not so he could grow up to be him but so he always had something to fall back on. Greg was a good guy but he lived in his van. Yellowtail wanted the assurance that his stepson would have stability. 

“I was like him,” Vidalia said. “Just let him make his mistakes. We’ll be there to help him out-- and he’s a good kid. He’ll be fine.”

Yellowtail wasn’t willing to take that gamble until he saw his stepson wrung out after Marty had used him. He ran to the boat where he had hidden some of Sour Cream’s equipment, determined to show his stepson that he didn’t need the money, the fancy gadgets, the party bus or a soda advertisement-- and certainly not Marty-- to succeed as a DJ. 

And when the glowsticks went out and the beats dropped, the music didn’t sound so bad this time. He even danced a little, but not nearly as well as his wife did.


	17. Mr. Greg

Greg had stories about Rose that Pearl knew existed but never wanted to hear. She would only be jealous.

But in the ballroom, in the glow of the moment, the piano spurning away their defenses, Pearl realized she had stories as well that Greg could easily envy. 

Stories that Rose prayed Greg would never know about her. Would Pearl dare share those? No. But she could share the ones Rose would have wanted her to share, so she did.

And together they filled in the gaps, remembering, learning things about Rose they never would have known if they’d never talked.

And in those moments, when they did talk about her, she was there.


	18. Too Short to Ride

i.  
Mr. Smiley didn’t question that Steven and his ‘sister’ had grown in less than five minutes. Overworked and overtired, he had lost track of the days and assumed that maybe a year had passed.

ii.  
After taking the velcro straps off of Steven’s shoes, Peridot kept them for herself, adding them to the pile of clothes she had stolen from Steven when he wasn’t looking.

iii.

”Isn’t that my shirt?” Steven asked, squinting skeptically at the pink shirt Peridot was wearing with a star in the middle.”

“Uh. . . no. Definitely not.” Peridot replied, swallowing.

iiii.  
Lapis saw the glow of the activated warp pad off in the distance and felt relieved to be free of the silence. She uncrossed her arms and rolled over so her back was facing the door so she didn’t appear to be expecting Peridot.

iiiii.  
Peridot came back with a finger puppet, a toy as tall as herself, and a new ability. She was excited to show these things off to Lapis.

iiiiii.  
Later that evening, Peridot discovered Lapis curled up to the alien plush she had won and considered taking it back, but then thought that Lapis could keep it. Out of everything Peridot had gifted to her, the toy was the only thing Lapis seemed to like


	19. The New Lars

“I’m telling you, Pearl, it wasn’t me!” Amethyst shouted.

Steven found Pearl and Amethyst by the screen door Sadie had barreled through that afternoon, arguing over whether Amethyst had broken it or not.

“I just fixed it last week!” Pearl replied, disbelieving. She had lost count of how many times she had repaired the door. She often switched the hinges just to get back at her friends for being careless- but no one had noticed, her passive aggression wasted on them.

“It was Sadie,” Steven cut in. “We… were in a hurry.”

“For what?” Pearl raised a brow, imagining that Steven had forgotten a videogame or something else that didn’t warrant another broken door.

“See, told ya it wasn’t me!” Amethyst said, then Steven told them about his day. He wondered if his mom had the same power and how she had controlled it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always wanted to write a fic involving the door that keeps getting broken. Poor door.


	20. Beach City Drift

The view around the mountain bend was stunning, and Stevonnie liked the vibration of the motor and the steering wheel at ease under their direction. When Steven or Connie needed a break, they fused and Stevonnie took the wheel. Often they drove around the scenic points of Beach City. Occasionally they left the city limits, but they never went than an hour away.

It was nice to be together, the quiet between them, the car windows rolled down and the wind whipping Stevonnie’s wavy hair.

They could drive for miles, they thought, the winding road calling to them, the splendor of the scenery a heavy persuasion. Someday, Stevonnie promised, turning the car around, the setting sun winking at them from the rearview mirror.

Later, as the evening deepened and the stars glinted, with no city lights to outshine them, Stevonnie pressed harder on the gas pedal-- it was almost Connie’s curfew


	21. Restaurant Wars

i.  
Kofi expected Mr. Fryman to disrespect the truce. He kept the “We Sell Fries” sign right at the window, prepared to hang it up.

ii.  
Peedee overheard Steven say, “Actually, can’t I just get some fries?”

“Now he wants actual fries,” Peedee muttered, slouching in the pizza costume.

iii.  
Jenny didn’t like this change. Not only did she smell like pizza, but fries too. And the phones rang and rang.

iiii.  
When Jane saw Ronaldo with Kiki, she regretted ever letting him get into the movie theater for free. She clutched the Koala Hime DVD to her chest, the corners hard, in tears.

 

iiiii. Ronaldo forgets he has his Heelys out while working the fryer, and of course the Health Inspector walks in the same moment he’s wobbling around the back kitchen, tripping over a sack of potatoes.


	22. Kiki's Pizza Delivery Service

Steven had felt bad, watching Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl use the warp pad without him. Garnet had assured him that it was a simple mission. Pearl had gently said that it wasn’t that they didn’t trust his abilities or didn’t need him. But it was Amethyst, who said, “Chill. We got this, Ste-man! ‘Sides, Garnet gives me and Pearl a break and goes on missions on her own, sometimes. It’s no big,” who put his worries and insecurity to ease.

He was a little tired, he had to admit. The Drill and the Cluster and Malachite had been a lot to take in, and then when he came home he found himself attending to his neighbors’ problems. Which, he did like helping people, it was second nature, but he knew that to take care of everyone, he had to take care of himself too. 

So he didn’t put up a fight when the Gems left without him, and after ordering the pizza, all guilt was lifted by his stomach growling. 

He was always doing something nice for others. Tonight he would do something nice for himself. He took out the nice paper plates, used two plastic forks instead of one, and poured a wineglass full of concentrated orange juice (no pulp). The flowers, the lighting, now all that was left was the pizza. He had never eaten a whole pizza by himself before-- impossible with Amethyst around-- but he was hungry enough to believe he could do it.


	23. Monster Reunion

Amethyst had always had it easy dealing with the Gem monsters. She had picked up fighting easily once she learned how to summon her weapon, and she had no issue snapping the corrupted gem’s necks or slicing them in half.

Garnet, Pearl, and Rose didn't feel so calm about it, but they never showed it, never in the heat of battle. When they could breathe, the gem bubbled and safe in the temple, then they would reflect, the aftermath of war crashing over them again.

It felt like the war hadn’t ended in moments like these when they subdued the corrupted gems, compartmentalizing a part of themselves so they could fight the good fight. They were still protecting the Earth. 

Some moments Pearl envied Amethyst’s innocence. Other moments she valued it, and often that same innocence frustrated her, but she never wished that Amethyst had seen firsthand what they had.


	24. Alone At Sea

The barn was empty when she came back. She was relieved because she didn’t want Peridot to see her like this.

Minutes later and the tears had not dried. She couldn’t hear Jasper’s footfalls, but she felt unbearably alone, curled up in a corner, clutching her face, sob after sob raking through her body. She had almost forgotten Jasper’s hand, so big it swallowed her own. Now she craved it again and hated herself for being so weak to almost give in.

On constant alert, she heard the barn door open, but relaxed when she heard the tiny patter of socked footsteps.

“Lazuli!” Peridot’s voice was gratingly jubilant. Lapis turned to tell her to go away, but her throat was too dry, too hoarse to yell. She saw the excitement drain from Peridot’s face and quickly turned away.

“What happened?” 

She sensed that Peridot reached for her, but then pulled her hand back. “Are you okay?”

“No,” Lapis admitted.

“Do you… want to talk about it?””

She shook her head.

“I’m sorry. I’ll leave.” 

After being roommates for a few weeks, Peridot had learned that sometimes she needed to give Lapis space. She turned to leave. Lapis stopped her, voice watery. 

“No! I mean-- Please. Stay. If you want.” She paused, looking away, ashamed to ask. “ I don’t deserve it.”

Peridot sat down next to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been waiting for this episode all my life. I'm so happy.


	25. Greg the Babysitter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I really forget to post this one on A03?

Beach City was boring. She had lived here all her life and the interesting looking tourists only came during the summer. Even then, it was still pretty boring. 

“What do you want to do?” 

“I don’t know.” 

They always ended up smoking on the beach, watching the surf. Once they had found an owl that could talk but that was probably the drugs. 

Vidalia and her friends would break shit, do hard drugs and stay up all night, pushing the limits. Just a bunch of bored kids. They said they would do something great someday, something really stunning, they had to leave Beach City first. 

Some of them did but most of them didn’t, Vidalia included. None of the good bands came to Beach City anymore but Greg’s music was pretty good and he was pretty cute. She wasn’t sure what she was thinking when she slept with Marty and yes she was sober. Maybe she thought that if she slept with an older man it would be interesting but the sex was over seconds after Greg started singing.

She had resigned herself to having never done anything interesting, to a lifetime of boredom when she found out she was pregnant, staring heavily at the positive mark. She couldn’t afford it but she took a few more tests and those were positive too.

“I’m going to be a mom.” She said, heel of her hand against her forehead. “I’m going to be boring.” 

But it was anything but boring. There was always some new change going on with her body that was completely unexpected and she was busy, preparing for Sourcream’s arrival. Her mom had given her a book and Vidalia wanted to puke, reading the descriptions, looking at the pictures. “This is sick!” She laughed.

She wasn’t laughing when her water broke, she was screaming when the doctors told her to push.

And when they bundled up Sourcream and handed him off to her, she pulled him close to her breast and said: “This is the craziest thing I’ve ever done.” And he looked at her and she knew it was just the beginning.


	26. Gem Hunt

The canvas of Earth had changed. Many of the gem structures were debilitated or in ruins, the temples and the monuments replaced by too many human settlements.

There were too many lights in some areas, making it impossible to see Homeworld’s galaxy at night.

But Jasper’s motivations had changed and she found herself looking for home less and less, walking deeper into the white expanse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to write more Jasper centered fic but this arc is throwing off a lot of headcanons I previously had.


	27. Crack The Whip

The first time Amethyst saw Rose in Steven was on the beach after she regenerated: the wind, soft and billowing through Stevonnie’s long wavy hair, a sword and shield in their hands, standing tall and protecting Amethyst.  
It didn’t sink in that she had failed until Steven and Connie unfused. Then she remembered they were just kids and she was supposed to be the one protecting them.


	28. Steven vs. Amethyst

Pearl had made several changes to her training regimen to figure out what would work best for Steven. She had even stopped at a bookstore and bought two books for school teachers and asked Connie for advice.

And then she asked Steven what he thought would help motivate him and followed his wary gaze to the Holo-Pearl behind her.

“Could you... make the Holo-Pearls less dangerous?”

“Whatever do you mean?” Pearl found herself laughing, uneasy.

Steven didn’t say anymore, looking away and grimacing. That was enough to help Pearl understand.


	29. Bismuth

Lion was waiting for Rose, emerging from behind a sand dune and galloping towards her. The sand was hot under Rose’s feet, but where she had come from was even hotter. Lion knelt down and Rose stepped into his mane. The pink blades of grass were cool and tickled her feet. 

The great tree was just ahead, arms stretched out, long and leafy, welcoming. Rose held the bubble gently, floating it between her palms and walking forward. She sighed and pressed her back to the bark.

This place was made to be her reprieve from the war, from others, their high expectations of her. Here, she could be whatever she wanted to be: just Rose; not Rose Quartz, not a soldier, not a rebellion leader. She recognized the irony that she had started the rebellion so that gems could be free to be who they wanted, but she had done it for them, not for herself.

Leadership had made her cold, detached, not someone she liked. The pressures of watching over the battalion, the strategists and spies-- her friends-- had led her to keeping secrets. Lion was a secret, this pocket dimension too, and now Bismuth, bubbled, kept under a low hanging branch was another secret held in her stores, tarnishing her sanctuary to forget.

But maybe it was better not to forget: to remember a friend.


	30. Beta

Peridot was not good at consoling others, Lapis knew that firsthand, from when Peridot had found her folded in a corner, hugging her knees.

“Well, Jasper isn’t here!” was something she had said, thinking that would work. “And you said you had control the whole time right? So what’s the problem?”

The only thing that kept Lapis from flying away from Peridot was the fear that she would cross paths with Jasper, this time alone. Jasper’s offer had been tempting and Lapis had missed her. If Steven hadn’t been there at the time she was sure she would have.

“You really suck at this,” Lapis said, cutting Peridot off.

“I’m trying to help, Lazuli,” Peridot replied, hands on her hips, petulant as ever, but then, insecure and genuine. “Isn’t that enough?”

“Just--” Lapis sighed. “Stop talking.”

Peridot managed to do that with the help of season one of Camp Pining Hearts. Lapis had heard the show play in the background several times before but paid no more attention to it than to roll her eyes. This time, she watched it next to Peridot on the musty, patched couch. Lapis found she liked the show because she could think about Percy, Pierre, and Paulette’s problems instead of her own.

When they ran out of episodes to watch they re-watched them. When they had memorized every line, Lapis helped Peridot write her 3,000 page essay about why Paulette was ‘objectively’ the worst. 

Then they erected their own tent, Peridot giddy and giggling in her shorts and bandana, pretending to be Percy while Lapis played the role of Pierre. They re-enacted scenes and made their own-- better ones even.

And when that was done Peridot suggested redecorating the barn after coming across TubeTube videos of House Flippers. They used what they already had on hand at the barn and scouted out the rest. Peridot found most of it and asked for anything that caught her eye in Amethyst’s room. Then there was that one day where they were lucky enough that a couple with a truck dropped off their junk, thinking the barn was abandoned.

“I can’t believe these humans would just throw this stuff away!” Peridot said, rummaging through antlers and coat hangers, and broken vacuum cleaners.

“I can,” Lapis replied, watching her.


	31. Earthlings

“My Diamond.” The words, the gesture did not feel the same anymore. Jasper wondered if Yellow Diamond knew she was pretending when she said it, when she crossed her arms over her chest to salute. Jasper certainly could feel the lie, the emptiness eating her from the inside.

But Yellow Diamond barely glanced at her, waving her off. “Yes, good.”

X

It didn’t matter that she had lost track of the peridot she was assigned to escort. It didn’t matter that she was stranded or that the cluster was rumbling under Malachite’s feet. 

She had wished that she had been shattered like her battalion, that she could have died trying to protect Pink Diamond. Instead, she was here, fused to Lapis. That was okay, it wouldn’t be long now before the Cluster hatched. Lapis knew this too, wrapping her hold on Jasper tighter.

X

She ruminated in the hole she had emerged from, the sun’s red glare bouncing off the debilitated injector drills. The jaspers she had gathered howled in their cages, and she thought about how she would rip Rose’s gem right out and grind her into dust.

She had an army, but she was still alone.

She had a plan, but she had no purpose.

Nothing had changed, nothing would. Not even revenge would make her feel better.

But what else was left?


	32. Back To The Moon

Peridot was still clinging to Lapis long after the Ruby Ship exited the Earth’s atmosphere. Before Peridot said anything, Lapis spoke, voice soft and firm: “I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” she replied briskly. “I’m fine. So how was the Beta Kindergarten?”

Peridot opened her mouth to brag, then quickly pocketed her smile. “It was--” She paused, snorted. “Pft. It was ‘Beta’ of course. No where near as magnificent as the kindergarten Amethyst came from.”

“Jasper was there, wasn’t she?” 

Peridot jumped. “No! I mean-- yeah. She was. How did you guess?”

“Just a feeling. So what happened? Is Steven... are you alright?”

Peridot couldn’t help but grin a little, given the opportunity to boast. “You’re looking at the gem who took down Jasper. Yeah, that’s right-- because of my metal powers.” As she said this she wiggled her fingers. Lapis couldn’t help but laugh. 

“You? Defeat Jasper?”

“Uh huh.” Peridot balled her fists up and placed them on her hips, triumphant. She winked. “So you don’t have to worry about her anymore.” She waited, expecting Lapis to laugh again. Maybe this would be a good time to ask if she could pick her up for a victory flight to celebrate. She was about ready to ask but noticed that Lapis was quieter than usual.

“Aren’t you happy...? That’s what you wanted, right?”

Lapis shook her head, unreadable. “That’s not what I wanted.”

“Then what DO you want?”

“I don’t know,” Lapis admitted. “I don’t know.”


	33. Bubbled

Pearl’s hands shook over the controls, thinking of the worst. Garnet saw the future and chose only to see the paths that didn’t end with Steven lost to them forever. Amethyst clutched the back of Pearl’s seat, looking over her shoulder, asking over and over again, “Do you see him?”

Pearl had never flown a Ruby ship and Homeworld’s technology had grown in leaps and bounds, but at least it was similar to Peridot’s ship and she was able to commandeer the controls quickly. It was only the extraneous controls that she didn’t understand. 

Floating through the asteroid belt, Amethyst had pressed a random button and they learned that was the tracker that detected and followed nearby gems. Then they ran into an asteroid and the tracker malfunctioned, leaving them in the dark yet again.

Before it shut down, it detected two gems. They hoped when they found Steven they wouldn’t be too late. Garnet said they wouldn’t be. Pearl and Amethyst wanted to believe their leader, but her jaw was set and her fists tight.


	34. The Kindergarten Kid

Peridot didn’t notice the times Steven slipped away, too absorbed in her plans and machinations.

She didn’t question how the marshmallows conveniently came into his possession or how prepared he was, drinking a fresh bottle of water.

And she didn’t notice when the Crystal Gems watched her even though they were in plain view: Pearl and Garnet chuckling and Amethyst wolfing down a whole serving of popcorn, bowl and all. 

When the corrupted gem licked her shoulder, Peridot brushed it off, too focused on her cannon to look away. “I’m very busy, Steven.”

The corrupted gem seemed to shrug and walked away, waiting for when Peridot was ready.


	35. Know Your Fusion

Pearl knew Steven and Amethyst were up to something when she asked who wanted to lick the spoon off the cake batter and Garnet was the only one who replied, dabbing a bit off the spoon onto her finger.


	36. Buddy's Book

The Palanquin sat crooked on the hill, spiderlegs clenched around the earth. The curtain was sheer and grey and torn. Wildflowers bloomed around the relic and inside. These were the only indicators that it had sat for years. The materials it was made from were advanced and didn’t show wear.

Buddy etched every detail, wondering how it got here, whose it was. Then he pocketed his book, unfolded his map, and then moved on.


	37. Mindful Education

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler's for last night's episode!

There once was a boy.

A boy who grew up knowing his mother through other’s words and not his own, for his mother had given up her physical form to bring him into the world.

He knew to admire her through the words of his family. He knew to be sad, but he could not cry without knowing her. 

The more his family talked of her, the more he decided to grow up to be like her. 

“They won’t be lonely anymore,” he said. 

“They will be so proud,” he would say, and they were, very much, but not because he was like his mother. This he did not know.

He did not know a lot. He did not know what to think. His thoughts scattered as he plunged the blade through Bismuth’s abdomen.

And again he was paralyzed when Jasper spoke: “My diamond! Your diamond!”

And he could not begin to move, not after the ruby he helped attempted to take a dagger to his gut.

And after that he did not want to be his mother anymore, esteemed in his family’s eyes, hated by others.

But the boy was lost. For if he could not be his mother, then who should he be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to try out a fairy tale like writing style after reading a lot of mythology.


	38. Future Boy Zoltron

Pearl was putting together the mis en place to cook dinner when Garnet suddenly stood up.

“You’re going out?” Pearl asked, surprised. Garnet loved pasta carbonara, Pearl’s especially. “I’m making dinner.” 

Whatever it was, she hoped it wasn’t serious enough that they could wait, but Garnet was always serious when she stood like that.

“I’ll be right back,” Garnet reassured.

Pearl stirred the sauce and watched Garnet leave-- and then backtrack to free a quarter from Steven’s piggy bank.

“If you see Steven, tell him dinner’s almost ready!” she called, unsure if Garnet heard her.


	39. Last One Out of Beach City

At the end of the night they went back to the car, still dead and parked behind the Ocean Town billboard. 

Amethyst morphed into a tow truck while Steven and Pearl sat in the Dondai, both buckled up. 

“That was amazing!” Steven said, humming one of the songs they’d heard that night.

Pearl gave a congenial smile and nod, then turned the slip of paper over in her hands.  
“Steven?”

“Yes, Pearl?”

“I’d like to buy one of these... cellular phones tomorrow.” Technically today; it was past midnight.

Steven gave a knowing grin. “Sure thing, Pearl.”


	40. Onion Gang

There was a slowly growing collection of portraits of Yellowtail in the basement, dating all the way back to when they had met. Back then, Vidalia had been chewing gum, blowing bubbles, and painting boats. 

She didn’t chew gum so much anymore, not after she developed lockjaw. She did still paint, most often Amethyst, but when he returned from the boat, she painted portraits of Yellowtail.

Often nude ones too, but those were drawn from memory. The neighbors, including the Crab Shack two blocks away, had complained, even involving the police.


	41. Gem Harvest

Garnet saw futures where the attack drones Peridot made and Lapis’s hydrokinesis wasn’t enough. Those futures were oddly dim. A dark, bulky figure that could fly, who yelled and stomped his feet was all she could discern.

“What about the cows?” Peridot said after Garnet suggested a guard dog.

Garnet shook her head. The cows were a nuisance but all an intruder would have to do was tip them over.

As Garnet left the barn she overheard Peridot and Lapis already making plans.

“We’ll make an army.” Peridot had decided.

“How?” Lapis asked. “We don’t have the materials to make gems.”

And then Peridot mentioned something she had seen on television but Garnet didn’t have the heart to tell them that wasn’t how vegetables worked.


	42. Three Gems and a Baby

Vidalia only got second place in the art contest which was more than she expected. Everyone she knew came to the exhibit to see her painting, even her parents had drove from out of town to see it.

Greg took a picture of her with Yellowtail and Sour Cream with a polaroid camera. Everyone had huddled around Greg as he shook the picture into focus.

Later, Greg found the picture as he was feeding Steven his bottle. He noticed the second place ribbon hanging off the corner of the painting and wondered if Vidalia would paint a picture of Rose. He missed her and was sure the Crystal Gems would appreciate it.


	43. Once l Rainbow Quartz, Pearl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on this fanart by awyadraws:  
> http://awyadraws.tumblr.com/post/145573005113

Rainbow Quartz charged into battle just once. Just once, Pearl was able to protect Rose without sacrificing herself.


	44. Ripple Effect l Jasper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this way back in May. There was discussion and jokes about Jasper developing hydrophobia, but no further exploration into that. I wanted to try delving into how Jasper felt after un-fusing from Malachite, and I wanted to do a role reversal. Typically, in fic people would write Jasper as the one being bubbled after un-fusing from Malachite and that Lapis happily joins the Crystal Gems. 
> 
> I had a friend with ptsd fact check this fic, but I still am unsure if I captured it correctly.
> 
> *This was written before Super Watermelon Island. Consider it canon divergent AU

Steven finds Jasper taking shelter under the awning of a bus stop, trying to curl the bulk of her body so not a drop of water hits her skin. It is raining hard and Steven has two umbrellas, one to shield himself, the other to hand to the Gem.

Jasper uses the umbrella once Steven demonstrates how to open it, but she still doesn’t want to move from her refuge. The umbrella shields her from the rainfall overhead, but it doesn’t save her boots or from the puddles splashing up her legs. Any contact with water makes her tense up. She can’t even wash dishes, and thankfully Pearl obliges herself to the task before anyone notices the tower of plates.

She wishes the Crystal Temple wasn’t so close to the ocean. The sound of the waves crashing on the shore sound like Lapis’s footsteps. At night when it is quiet and pitch black like the deep sea, all Jasper can hear is the ocean beckoning. In the corner of her eye, she sees a tiny shadow dart around the room. Nothing happens, but she can still feel Lapis snatch her by the wrists and drag her back down with her.

She’s physically free, but some part of her will always be Lapis’s prisoner. She sees the other Gem’s anger reflected back at her in Rose’s fountain. She feels her nails, straight and sharp like icicles down her back. She hears her footsteps as the waves crash, edging closer to Jasper, pinning her against the wall.

Jasper finds herself standing still, and a glance at the sun rising tells her that she has been standing for hours, trapped in that moment again. She’s lucky if the shock lasts only a few minutes, luckier if the other gems don’t notice. They don’t– except for Steven. He notices, but he doesn’t mock her. He tells her it’s okay, and he means well, but that sounds condescending, his acknowledging her weakness.

When did she become so weak? Was it before Lapis held her prisoner, or after? She runs it through her head, agonizes over it, hates herself for her weakness being exploited and strummed over and over until she became the gem she is now. She feels broken. It’s strange because her gem isn’t cracked, but something inside is shattered.

She sees, feels, hears, sometimes tastes Lapis everywhere. It can happen at any moment, and nearly always at the most inopportune times. She knows that Lapis’s gem is bubbled downstairs in the temple, but the fear that she will come back still shakes her.

Some of it is manageable. She keeps mostly to herself when they’re not on missions, and as far from the ocean as she is allowed to go, which is as far as the billboard sign that greets visitors to Beach City on one side, and says ‘farewell’ on its opposite face.

Anytime Peridot needs something from the Kindergarten, Jasper jumps at the chance to go with her and Steven. She likes the Kindergarten. It’s dryer than dirt and hollow– where she came from. She showed Steven the hole she came out of the first time they went there, and Peridot examined the spot too, nodding in approval. Often, Jasper likes to take a moment to sit in her hole, to be wrapped in the familiar embrace of jagged earth. Peridot teases her if she finds her but Jasper doesn’t care. There are worse things Peridot could tease her about. And Jasper is determined that she never finds her real, spreading weakness.

There are moments when Peridot is close to discovering it. Peridot asks her to let go of her arm while they are walking on the beach, and Jasper grunts apology. Her eyes widen over the spot she’s gripped, horrified that she’s left bruises. Normally she’s careful with Peridot and Steven too, but at that moment she wasn’t thinking. Her mind is awash with fear, gripping the only person who made her feel the least bit safe while the ocean waves rang in her ears. And one dusk, as storm clouds roll in, she does it again. Peridot snorts and reassures (in that smug way of hers) that it’s just water. “It can’t hurt you,” she says.

“I know what rain is,” Jasper growls, walking faster before the downpour, feeling ridiculous.

Those close calls encourage Jasper to work harder at bottling it up, and eventually she learns how to pretend nothing is wrong. She shapeshifts her eardrums away when they’re by the ocean and learns how to read lips. She takes away her sense of smell completely so she doesn’t smell the salt in the air, and she doesn’t miss it at all. But then Pearl brings up fusion practice and Jasper’s body grows cold. Peridot doesn’t understand her hesitation. She says, “What? It’s not that hard. And you’ve already done it before. Even I can do it. Here, fuse with me.”

Peridot starts to take her hand and Jasper smacks it away. “No!” she finds herself bellowing, and she knows she shouldn’t, because it’s too conspicuous, but she stomps away. She can’t stand to be near any of them. She has to be alone.

She hears two sets of footsteps follow after her: the slap of Steven’s sandaled feet and Peridot’s socks, and she bristles, feeling ashamed for how she’s treated Peridot but loathe to confront her again. The footsteps stop when Garnet whispers, “No. Give her time.”

But will time really heal this wound? Jasper wonders, looking at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Lapis said she was trapped in one of these. Jasper wonders which is the worse prison: Malachite or the mirror?

Jasper decides the mirror would be preferable, given the choice. She never used to before, but now she values her space. She makes a face in the mirror and before she can catch it, thoughts of Lapis streak by again. She wonders what Lapis’s more experienced opinion would be?

Malachite or the mirror?

X

The moment Jasper hears the rush of water on both sides of her, her hand tenses in Steven’s.

“Are you sure you’re going to be all right?” Steven asks, a little louder than she cares for. But none of the other gems seem to notice, their full focus on the mission.

“I’m fine,” Jasper grouses. No one told her there would be water, but then, how would they know that would be a concern? She wants to be annoyed, but she can’t fault them for not knowing or Steven for being worried.. He squeezes her hand. It’s not enough but she makes a show of it, descending down the platform, passing through the waterfall (very quickly). She wants to pretend everything’s okay; she doesn’t want him to worry. She’s a jasper: dependable, strong, and more than that-

“Come on, cub,” she calls behind her.

He runs after her and Pearl reprimands him. “Careful, Steven! The floor is wet!”

But he’s more than halfway down and just as he is about to slip, Jasper reaches for him, although it’s Garnet who catches him.

The rush of water calms the further on they tread, and though the ground is wet, it’s not enough to splash everywhere. Jasper takes a deep breath and tells herself she can do this. She feels Steven’s eyes on her and feels inadequate. She’s the one who should be looking after him and the others, not the other way around. A defective jasper, that’s what she’s become.

They stop at a crux in the path, the slick road branching off into three parts. They decide to split into pairs. Amethyst and Pearl take the left path, Garnet and Peridot the right. Steven and Jasper are left with the middle and they watch the others go, Jasper doesn’t move and Steven doesn’t try to coax her. He asks her again if she’s fine. She offers him a brisk answer and still doesn’t move. Steven waits and he takes her hand again.

The path ahead is wreathed by rough water currents that ring in Jasper’s ears. She wants to shapeshift her eardrums away and mute it, but Steven is ahead of her. He might say something and she can’t read his lips from this angle, or guarantee their safety deaf.

Her eardrums are still present but she can’t hear Steven– or anything else, just water. Only the water. The water is closing in on her, so cold it burns. Her sight follows suit, blurring. She takes a step after Steven and wavers to the side like she’s on a ship tossing back and forth in a storm. Steven jumps to steady her. His foot slips. The current takes away his sandals, then pulls him in too. Before Jasper can think to reach for him, he’s gone. And the worst of it is: she hesitates to jump in after him. Her hand shakes over the rapid fountain of water and quickly retracts, like she’s been burned.

In the corner of her mind, she’s aware Steven needs her but she can’t move. Something like thunder sounds in her head, and the rush of water married to it. Tight chains around her throat and wrists, water pouring down her throat …

She sharply gasps, clutching her chest. It’s evening now and the water has calmed to a slow trickle, reflecting the stars. So many hours have passed and there is a blanket draped over her shoulders and cold sweat on her back and brow. She’s dimly aware of the voices conversing around her, until she realizes they’re talking about her.

“–Let him drown!”

”–I knew we couldn’t trust her.”

“I don’t understand,” Peridot says, perplexed. “Jaspers are loyal soldiers. They would never let one of their own…” She trails off, feeling Jasper’s eyes on her. Their eyes meet and Jasper looks away, frowning. In that brief moment she sees Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst too, but not Steven.

Whatever strength she has left abandons her body. She could have grabbed him, jumped in the water and fished him out of the rapids. But she didn’t. And all because–

No. It’s not Lapis’s fault. It was Lapis that made her this way, Jasper thinks, but it’s still her own fault that she can’t move past that and function like a normal gem, like herself.

She’s prepared for whatever punishment the others have laid out for her. No doubt they are discussing this too. She begins to get up, as hollow and empty as the holes in the Kindergarten, but weighted down regardless. She gives up and resigns herself to the spot, crouched down and hating herself, awaiting Garnet, Pearl, Amethyst, and even Peridot to sentence her to a bubble underneath the temple. Maybe right next to Lapis.

Then a mug of cocoa is pressed against her hand.

She stares at Steven, disbelieving. Her hand slips past the mug of hot chocolate to pull him into a tight hug. The mug falls from Steven’s hands and shatters behind him, but she doesn’t hear it. That doesn’t matter. What matters is–

She tells him she’s sorry, and she’s done a good job not crying until Steven asks in full sincerity: “I’m fine. But are you? You don’t have to push yourself so har–”

“Steven!” Pearl shrieks, “get away from her, she–”

“It’s okay,” Steven calmly reassures, though Pearl is far from relieved, ready to scoop him into her spindly arms.

“No it’s not,” Jasper says. “I couldn’t save you. What they’re saying is true. I let you drown.”

“You didn’t mean to!”

“Steven,” Pearl chastises.

“No!” Steven says firmly. “Jasper didn’t let me drown. She– she can’t help it. . “

“Steven,” Jasper growled testily, panic rising, making her voice hoarse.

“Jasper’s afraid of water!” Steven blurts out. Jasper wildly looks over her shoulder. She thinks they will laugh, but there is only a stunned silence.

Jasper watches the realization dawn on Peridot, all the moments Jasper acted strangely clicking into place.

“You never told me.”

She approaches Jasper later, when everything but the thunder in Jasper’s chest has settled.

Jasper grunts, eyeing Peridot making herself comfortable beside her.

“I think I may have said… several insensitive things without realizing it.” Peridot breathes sharply and her eyes follow Jasper, who continues to avert her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault.”

“It is, in some way. Even if I didn’t know better at the time.” She fiddles with her fingers. “I want to help you.”

Jasper flinches. The concern is sincere but biting.

She wishes that the others were as subtle as Amethyst, who invites her to go wrestling and eat victory chili cheese fries afterwards. Pearl’s attempts to reach out are more suffocating than the others, Peridot’s fills her with shame, and Steven’s she can’t dismiss but wants to. Garnet, however, she’s not sure what to think when the fusion sits down on the living room floor with her and helps her fold Steven’s shirts. That’s another thing that’s changed since Jasper’s hydrophobia has been outed: she’s not expected to do dishes anymore.

Jasper likes that the clothes in her hands are dry, dislikes that they are tiny and cumbersome in her hands. She tries to follow Garnet’s example but the shirts always end up wrinkled. Garnet doesn’t correct her, unlike Pearl, but her lips do twist with doubt. “Hmm.”

After some silence, several shirts folded, and a couple more wrinkled, fruitless attempts, Jasper is the one to say something, surprising herself but not Garnet.

“I shouldn’t have done it.” She shakes her head, makes a fist around a shirt, and slams it, denting the floor.

Garnet looks at the spot, stone-faced.

“If I’d just surrendered, I would be the same gem.”

Garnet puts the stacks of folded and not quite folded shirts into the basket. Her mouth opens a moment as if she’s about to say something, but she subtly shakes her head and allows Jasper to speak.

The talking starts as a trickle, but as she goes on, the obstacles barring her to speak come loose like a dam. The more she talks, the easier it is to keep talking. Garnet listens until all the words are wrung out of Jasper, but she’s far from dry.

They put the shirts away in Steven’s dresser.

“There’s something I have to take care of.” Garnet adjusts her visor. “You should come with me.”

“No thanks,” Jasper says, feeling tired.

She watches Garnet leave. Looking away, she hears the warp pad activate.

The others are in their rooms or out in Beach City. It’s just Jasper and the twilight, and the ocean waves gently caressing the shore. Her nerves are still on edge, and she quickly reconsiders staying behind.

The ocean calls for her to go into that dark place. She feels no shame walking away, following Garnet’s footsteps to the warp pad, away from the solitude and the sound.


	45. Forgiving Heart l Steven, Jasper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by this comic by tashiecake:  
> http://tashiecake.tumblr.com/post/143707646491/be-the-one-who-nurtures-and-builds-be-the-one

Steven had every reason to not help the gem. The impact of Jasper’s fall had formed a steep crater. 

He had come running-- why?

He was terrified, peering over the edge. He watched her collapse on her side, and again, without thinking, he moved closer. Thinking again, shaking, he summoned his shield.

But that was not needed. He brushed the shock of white hair from her eyes and his heart sank, seeing the solemn, pained expression Jasper wore, even unconscious. The shield dissipated from his wrist and he looked up to see if Garnet and the others had noticed he had run off. They were still fighting Lapis, the larger threat.

Staring down at Jasper, tears forming in his eyes, Steven wondered why he had ever been afraid of her.


	46. the sound of silence l Jasper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Jasper commission for hmrg! This was a lot of fun to write. Once I started it I couldn’t stop.

_I was there you know, at the first war for this garbage planet._  


Steven wanted to pick strawberries. Pearl had offered to pick some up at the store, had started to add it to the grocery list. Steven said it wasn't the same. Fresh strawberries. Fresh picked strawberries, still warm from the sunglow.

He said that the ones from the store were cold and not as sweet. He was impatient, knew the perfect spot to pick them. Everyone else was busy and Jasper obliged his request.

Steven asked her how many she could fit in her mouth, staring at her hands.

“More than you, I bet,” she challenged with a smile.

Jasper didn't know what strawberries were. She imagined they must be big if it was a feat to hold many in one’s mouth. She tried to hide her disappointment when she found they were small as marbles between her fingers. She decided she could fit over one hundred in her mouth.

Steven handed her a basket and showed her how to harvest the strawberries. Jasper kneeled down and got to work. She tried to be gentle but bruised most of them, red juice coating her fingers.

Her hand brushed against a patch of vines, and amid the ruby red fruit and greenery, something shimmered. Jasper’s hand stilled. Suddenly this land felt familiar. It used to be barren, the perfect setting for a battlefield, until Rose Quartz heralded a swarm of skinny vines into existence. Looks were deceiving. Their thinness allowed the vines to bite into skin, sever their projected forms like a wire saw.

Back then, the plants were not flowering, bearing beautiful succulent fruit. Jasper’s hand hovered over the axe. She was afraid that if she picked it up she’d recognize who it belonged to. The chances of that were low-- many died-- but she was afraid to chance it. She was certain she wasn't ready. Didn't think she'd ever be.

“Hey, Jasper!” Steven broke her train of thought. “Look at this one: it looks like a cat, doesn’t it?” He waved it in her face and made mewing noises.

Jasper shook her head. “Looks just like the rest of them to me.”

“What about this one?” he said, undeterred, showing her another. “This one looks like a cloud. And look!” He gasped, pointing to the air. “That one looks like a strawberry!”

Jasper feigned a smile. She thought it was supposed to be an Earth joke and decided to ask Peridot later, since she'd read a whole book about Earth jokes.

Steven ate both of the strawberries, the cloud-shaped one and the one that looks like a cat. As he ate them, he stared at Jasper.

“Are... you okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine,” Jasper said. She was surprised she sounded calm enough to be convincing. She hoped the facade reached all the way up to her eyes. “Found this,” she muttered, and Steven climbed over her shoulder to see.

His eyes grew big. “Wow! We must have missed this one!”

“There are more?” Jasper turned.

Steven nodded and Jasper envied his innocence. She could see it in his eyes, how he continued to smile, that this place didn’t affect him at all. And the weapon Jasper has found didn't startle him either, just another part of the scenery.

“There used to be a lot more. But then Garnet said we had to clean all of them up. Most of them are in Amethyst’s room.”

So they plucked them all up, didn’t they? Just like the strawberries. A wave of anger passed through her that she suppressed because Steven was on her back. Moving the place where a warrior’s weapon fell at their defeat was a great trespass to their honor, similar to moving a grave.

Steven didn't know that-- the Crystal Gems did. She swallowed her anger for later, when Steven was gone or asleep, after she’d processed it enough to (hopefully) raise her concerns to Garnet peacefully.

But she found later that the anger hadn’t quite left her, and instead of approaching Garnet after Steven went to bed, she used the warp pad to visit the Strawberry Battlefield again.

It was silent here. When Steven was around, she didn’t notice that. Now alone, it quelled, bringing her to her knees.

It’s not supposed to be quiet, she thought. She remembered when fires and voices roared and swords sang. When hard footfalls beat on the ground like drums. She even remembered the sound of Rose’s vines, slithering through the tall grasses. She could hear the sound of the fallen. She’d never forget that. Not in a million years.

She didn't need to breathe, but she waited to catch her breath anyway. Then she got up and scoured the ground. She looked for the axe she found this afternoon, then searched for more lost weapons that the Crystal Gems might have missed. When she found one, Jasper paused, knelt, and added to the silence, closing her eyes. She acknowledged each weapon, every remnant of a fallen warrior that she found, and she gave them the reverence they had missed. She didn't look for a diamond insignia on the weapons. That didn't matter. They had fought long and hard. They had struggled. They deserved recognition and respect.

After she found the weapons, she hid them under a trapping of vines and bushels of strawberries, never to be found by the Crystal Gems.

X

The next time Jasper visited she was surprised to find Pearl there, pale skin blending in with the moonlight.

“What are you doing here?” they both asked.

“You first.” Pearl said indignantly.

“You,” Jasper challenged, crossing her arms.

And they realized quietly that neither wanted to explain, not because they were afraid of judgment, but that one of them might inform the others.

“Never mind.” Jasper waved, turning away.

“Wait!” Pearl called.

Jasper stopped. “...What?”

“You don’t have to leave.”

“I don’t want to disturb you.” Jasper wasn’t completely lying. She always felt uncomfortable when Pearl did her singing and crying thing.

“You’re not.”

Jasper grunted. She just wanted to leave. She wasn’t expecting company.

“I’m sorry,” Pearl said awkwardly, taking in Jasper’s body language. “It’s just… this place is important to you too, isn’t it?”

“How would you know? You’re just a Pearl,” Jasper replied coldly. There was that anger she’d been holding back. She wasn't ready for this conversation, a conversation that she was sure would occur when she noticed Pearl. The insult, however, she didn’t plan. It just came out.

“Sorry,” she apologized quickly. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“We don’t have to talk,” Pearl promised, but later when they were sitting on one of the floating islands, staring into the horizon over the battlefield, she spoke again. “I didn’t want to disturb the weapons, you know. That’s why you’re upset, right?”

Jasper contemplated an answer before slowly nodding.

“I know how important it is for a warrior to leave their mark,” Pearl continued. “Rose understood too.”

“I know,” Jasper said, laying on her back, staring at night sky. She saw Homeworld’s galaxy and focused on that. Somehow, she was sure Pearl was doing the same thing. It was strange; Jasper didn't want to go back, knew there was nothing there for her anymore, but she was still homesick.

She guessed that was how it was. Things changed. Battlefields became gardens and enemies became friends.

Before dawn broke, Pearl was the first and Jasper the last to leave.


	47. Untitled l Jasper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You're a weapon and weapons don't weep."

There were rumors that Rose Quartz cried healing tears. Rumors are just rumors, Jasper said. And if Rose did cry, those were just crocodile tears. And if Rose did cry, then Jasper envied her.

Jasper wanted to cry but she had to be strong. Everyone was looking at her, counting on her.


	48. Return l Jasper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on this post:  
> http://tat-buns.tumblr.com/post/144388805615/ahunkahunkaburninlove-garbartage-im-pretty#notes

The ride to Earth was just as Jasper thought it would be: enigmatic and hard to swallow. She recognized the planets they passed, remembered herself as a different, younger gem back then. 

She was the only gem who responded to Peridot’s request for an escort. Younger gems were unaware of its importance; those who were older were not so eager to return. Memories of defeat spurred her when Jasper went over the case file and Peridot’s reports, but she didn’t let that stop her. She had been waiting for hundreds of years for this opportunity

She wouldn’t let anything deter her from locating Rose Quartz, apprehending her, and bringing her back to Yellow Diamond: not Lapis Lazuli’s indifference, Peridot’s grating naivety, not even her own apprehension. 

Jasper had to prove the war had happened. She was tired of the lies from her Diamond. 

“There wasn’t a war, Jasper,” Peridot would insist, regurgitating Yellow Diamond’s propaganda. Peridot had read every case file about the Earth. “If there was, I would have known about it. Everything was recorded.” 

Jasper had agreed with that. “Doesn’t mean it doesn’t get deleted.”

Peridot’s face pinched, offended that Jasper would imply that Yellow Diamond would do such a thing. She was young, Jasper kept telling herself. Still, she often gave into the compulsion to correct her charge. They would spend hours arguing, tiring each other out.

As the ship descended to Earth, cape heavy on her shoulders, she told herself what she should be feeling but all she could feel with sand beneath her boots was that she was finally Home.


	49. Untitled l Jasper, Lapis

Jasper’s form deteriorated, crackled before it combusted into clouds and sparks, her gem at Lapis’s feet.

Lapis could have left Jasper there. She could have done a lot of things. But of all the things she could have done, she knelt down, scooped up Jasper’s gem and bubbled it. Then she found a shelf of rock where the sea spray could not hit her in the face and sat, hunched over, her arms wrapped around herself and Jasper’s gem. 

What was she doing?

_Let go of her._

But she would not let go.


	50. Lapis I Untitled

Drenched in sweat and seawater, Lapis gasped, catching her breath. Before she could recover she was cut off, pulled back into depths, clawing her way back up.

She climbed and fell, climbed and fell. Desperately, she gasped, tried to yell Jasper’s name in frustration. But her mouth was full of water, closing in over her head. She realized it would be pointless to scream at Jasper to let her go; it wasn’t Jasper that was holding her down, how could she forget, the strong hands wrapped around her throat were her own.


	51. Dreamscapes l Lapis Lazuli

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music to read to:  
> http://8tracks.com/awakingdream/w-h-i-s-p-e-r-s
> 
> Audio/Podfic Version here:  
> https://soundcloud.com/user-460757197/dreamscapes

Amethyst taught Peridot how to sleep, so Peridot taught Lapis. Lapis thinks she might have done this before-- not of her own volition. The straw is soft, warm against her cheek. It smells like sunlight. 

Her dreams are full of straw. 

Amid that soft scent, there are layers, like one painting caked on top of another.

Blue. Arrival. Destination.

Red. Panic. War. The sea wine red.

Steel gray. Imprisonment. Questions in voices that pierce right through her and no one. No one can hear her scream. 

The deep ebony purple light that casts over the Galaxy Warp at night. Homeworld’s galaxy a blinking, blinding light.

The wind picking up strands of Steven’s curly head of hair as he stares at her, the Crystal Gems behind him. 

“Fine,” she said. And she was alone again, staring a tiny bit closer to the blinking, blinding light.

But then-- she came back. The vacuum of space was cold.

But Homeworld was colder.

Jasper’s hand was hot around her wrist.

Peridot’s gaze was cold and calculating.

She didn't trust either of them.

Jasper said the chains around their wrists were cold when they were Malachite. Lapis can’t confirm this, because she didn’t feel anything.

And there were layers and layers of sea pressing down on Malachite, the shades of blue descended into a deep navy that was almost black. 

“Lapis!” Steven shouted when he had found her.

“You!” Jasper also shouted. Not to her.

“I’m Lapis. Lapis Lazuli,” she said once.

“I’m not Lapis anymore,” she declared.

And Steven called her name again-- was that Steven?

“Lazuli...! Lazuli...! Lazuli!”

No, Steven never called her that.

“Lazuli!”

If it was so dark, how could she feel the sun against her face? 

Coming to the surface, like coming up for air, she opens her eyes, bombarded by a flash of colors and Peridot’s smarmy grin. 

“Morning, roommate!” 

Lapis frowns, raising a hand to shield her eyes against the sun. She looks past Peridot to the rusted tractor settled among the weeds and the wildflowers, to the “smaller than average sized” lake. Gradually, the pieces come together and she realizes she isn’t in a mirror or standing on a tower of water, looking up to the sky. And she isn’t on Homeworld, or on Peridot’s ship, or in the company of Jasper, within Malachite.

She is back to where she started. The sky is blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by this comic by worthworm:  
> http://tat-buns.tumblr.com/post/146232171665/worthworm-the-beginning-of-a-new-day#notes
> 
> I thought about canvases. Paintings. How some painters paint on top of paintings. Like layers and layers of memories that someone wants to forget.


	52. Under fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on this theory by @faelapis Thanks for the inspiration!
> 
> http://faelapis.tumblr.com/post/152161520779/the-raid

Lapis knew she was close to the Beta Kindergarten because the sun was relentless, the heat dense, and she felt like she was going to evaporate.

The sand and rock was blistering under her bare feet but she kept her complaints to herself. The quartz soldiers liked to tease; she would not risk showing weakness, even mild discomfort.

She was greeted by the head of the Kindergarten project, an olivine, tall and straight laced. She did not smile at Lapis’s arrival.

Not many did smile when Lapis showed. She was a messenger and often reported bad news, especially so now in this time of war.

“No one followed.” Lapis said before Olivine asked. The other gem nodded primly and they exchanged reports.

It was archaic, playing messenger hawk but wailing stones were too risky when messages could be intercepted and warp pads were too easily accessible and could be tracked. And a ship would be too big, too conspicuous.

It was no secret that they were growing reinforcements, the rebels expected as much.

That was fine. Let them quake, imagining how many soldiers will greet them on the battlefield.

Approximately six hundred and fifty soldiers.” Olivine said, leading the way. “Including the ten that emerged a few days ago.”

Lapis could easily differentiate between the quartzes that had emerged from this kindergarten and those they had originally. The latter stood tall and strong, the former were squat, or one limb was longer than the other. Minor inconsistencies that counted.

The holes they had emerged from were not as neat or as precise as the ones in the other kindergarten on Earth, or the other ones Lapis had visited on different planetoids.

And unlike the other kindergartens, this one did not dispose of the imperfect gems.

They needed every soldier.

The landscape was just not meant to grow perfect soldiers. The walls of rock sloped too much and the site they had settled on, while mineral rich enough for other gems was not enough to sustain a robust quartz.

No one said any of this out loud. Never. What would be the point to state the obvious, to raise tension, acknowledging aloud that they were that desperate to accept subpar resources and speed the incubation process.

“This one looks promising.” Olivine nodded towards a wide expanse of sienna rock. “We are expecting a jasper to emerge from this one. She could be a game changer.”

With her limited knowledge of kindergartens, Lapis agreed. If Olivine said this gem was promising, then she was.

Olivine ended her report shortly after that. They were in the center of the camp, gems of all types milling about to their next task, soldiers sparring in the corners, and technician types like Olivine typing monotonously.

Lapis turned her back on Olivine. Neither of them said good bye. They never did.

Lapis’s feet twitched, in position to kick off, her wings spread, and then a shot broke out through the camp and an injector drill collapsed behind her.

Lapis gasped, whirling on her feet to see the commotion. At best it was a clumsy technician or overzealous soldier that knocked over the drill. It was not. It was at worst. It was the rebels.

They came in like a ripple, a tiny ripple that spread throughout the kindergarten. So small they looked yet so hard they hit.

And Olivine’s voice- or someone else- many voices shouting to induce the soldiers to emerge. The ground rumbled under Lapis’s feet. She jumped, wings spread only to rear back, an explosive like a firecracker to the face pushing her back down.

She looked around her. From above, from below. Chaos. She did not know where to look, where to move. Without moving she was spun in circles.

The ground was hotter under her feet, the air was dry and tasted like fire, burning down her throat.

She could sense traces of water within the few organic forms remaining but they were raindrops when she needed oceans.

Technicians took for cover, others stood and fought, old and new gems. And startlingly, the newly born soldiers came out of the ground, a battle the first thing they saw, a weapon the first thing they held.

They rushed past Lapis in all directions, allies and foes. She didn’t know what to do with herself. She wanted to run, she couldn’t fight. She gripped her skirt and wished for it all to be over soon.

She almost didn’t notice the bismuth that jumped at her, their footfalls blending in with the rumbling all around. Lapis jumped back, arms up, akimbo, the other gem grinning wicked in her face. The bismuth was a rebel, rearing a weapon when it should have been content to make it.

“I didn’t expect an elite to be in a place like this.”

Lapis jumped to take to the air, forgetting the explosives earlier. Her feet left the ground then suddenly she was pulled back in, by her back, the bismuth’s fingers pinched tight around her gemstone.

She screamed, then the battle ended - what she saw of it.


	53. Amethyst, Peridot l Untitled

It was Amethyst’s turn to watch Peridot while Pearl went back to the temple for supplies and Garnet was out on a mission. Steven was fast asleep and Amethyst wanted to join him. She’d have shirked her duties if Peridot wasn’t still working on the drill past midnight. Amethyst wondered how Steven slept through the clink and clank of tools, the whirling sound of the drill.

She didn’t wonder how Peridot stayed up through the night, through the day working. Pearl and Garnet had similar work ethics, though they knew how to kick back and watch the sunset. Relaxation, Amethyst assumed, was just another foreign thing to Peridot. The most she had seen Peridot slack was when she had binge-watched Camp Pining Hearts for three days straight, only episode one over and over again (Steven hid the other tapes). When confronted with this, Peridot claimed she was only observing Earth culture and her analysis of the relationships within the show was not recreational.

“It’s very serious,” she said, and Amethyst left before she had to hear another lecture about Percy and Pierre.

Occasionally, Amethyst caught Peridot humming along to Pearl’s singing (and crying), and in one instance, found her trying on one of Steven’s shirts. She suspected Peridot tried on articles of clothes whenever she found them. There was that week that one of Greg’s sandals went missing, and while looking for parts in the barn they had unearthed an old fashion catalog. Peridot had openly criticized the outfits the models were wearing, but when Amethyst found the catalogue later, it was worse for wear, with dog-eared pages and whole sections ripped out.

So it wasn’t that Peridot didn’t know how to have fun, or that she didn’t relax, but that she felt she had to do it in secret. And if she was caught, she was quick to blame someone else or claim there was more to it. Amethyst didn’t mind being the one to blame if it meant they could have fun. She sneaked up behind Peridot and the metal parts she was holding in her arms clattered to the ground. From above, Steven continued to snore. There was no worry of waking him as they’d already made more than enough noise, but regardless Amethyst spoke in low tones.

“Hey, wanna do something cool?”

Cool? Peridot mouthed the word, somewhat familiar with the term. And she might’ve declined the offer, but Amethyst was already dragging her along to the nearest warp pad.

X

Amethyst had to pry Peridot’s hand from hers before the match started. The Purple Puma had reserved a seat for her special guest, front row with free drinks and a pretzel. The soda had spilled all over the floor and the pretzel threatened to follow it. Peridot was using both hands now to keep Amethyst close.

“You’ll be fine, P.D. Just enjoy the match.”

Peridot nervously glanced behind her at the crowded human audience. She had never been around this many humans.

“I’ll be right here.” Amethyst managed to point at the wresting ring; Peridot’s grip didn’t permit much mobility.

Mr. Smiley’s voice thundered over the center stage, signaling the beginning of the match. Amethyst quickly shapeshifted her arm to be as slick as a frog’s and finally slipped free. Peridot sat in the metal folding chair, then scooted it forward, so close to the ring she could feel the air whip when the other wrestlers and the Purple Puma threw punches.

She had been afraid that the humans notice her, ask annoying questions, or worse, but as the match unfolded and the cheers and jeers mounted, Peridot realized they cared more about the goings on of the match than her. Peridot surveyed the entire scene: the wrestling matches (Amethyst’s in particular but the others were not ignored), the humans and their enthusiasm, their disappointment in the matches and the wrestler they had been cheering for, the slips of green paper changing hands. Peridot wondered how a thin, flimsy piece of paper could hold any merit, and she wondered what she should do with the pretzel Amethyst gave her. She held it in her hand, the salt melting and sticking to her fingers.

She was still holding it when the final match ended and Amethyst jumped over the triple ring ropes, the heavy championship belt draped over her arm. She took the pretzel from Peridot and ate it in one bite. The belch that followed echoed off the warehouse walls and Peridot thought the decrepit building would collapse on them. But it didn’t and Amethyst guffawed at Peridot’s flinching, her arms above her head to shield herself from the supposed debris.

“Nerd,” she said, in that lazy, affectionate lilt of hers. She thrust the golden championship belt against Peridot’s chest and she fell over catching it. She managed to pick herself and the belt up, just barely.

“Told ya I’d show you something cool.”

Peridot looked at the belt skeptically. The metal was cheap, the golden finish obviously spray-painted on, the residue rubbing off on her hands.

“Primitive,” Peridot dismissed under her breath. Amethyst wasn’t listening, back turned to her, signing autographs for her fans.

“You were hardcore, Purple Puma!”

“You ever gonna let someone win the belt for a change?”

“When is Tiger Millionaire coming back?”

Peridot crossed her arms while waiting. She was glad when the fans left and it was just her and Amethyst again, walking out in the starlight. They were heading for the Temple, a closer walk from the old warehouse than from the barn.

“I’ll let you pick the pile it should go in,” Amethyst offered, as if Peridot should be delighted by this privilege.

“Thanks,” Peridot said flatly, dragging the belt in the sand behind her. “Do I have to carry it?”

“Yep.”

Peridot considered leaving the belt there in the sand for the ocean to sweep it away. For whatever reason, she was compelled to hold onto it, Amethyst’s matches replaying in her mind.

“So what’d you think?” Amethyst said, breaking the silence and Peridot’s train of thought.

“Hmm…” Peridot hummed, index finger tapping her upper lip as she mulled over it. “You eliminated the competition, of course. Not surprising for a quartz–”

“Okay, yeah, but what did you really think?”

Peridot wasn’t sure what else she should say. Those were her true thoughts. After some silence she smiled, trying a joke. “Maybe next time I’ll fight.”

She chuckled and watched Amethyst from the corner of her eye. She stopped in her tracks, surprised by the wild-eyed grin Amethyst was giving her.

“What? Why aren’t you laughing?”

“Why not?” Amethyst shrugged. “ Pearl fights.”

Peridot rolled her eyes. “Pearl’s a pearl–”

Amethyst laughed. “Sure she is– still left a nice shiner on you.”

Peridot frowned, continuing. Reflexively, she rubbed the spot where Pearl had punched her weeks ago. “As I was saying: I’m a Peridot. We’re not made to fight. That’s what you…” She gestured wildly towards Amethyst. “That’s what you’re supposed to do!”

She had dropped the belt. The waves licked the edges of the cheap metal and tickled their toes.

“Why do you keep doing that?” Amethyst said.

“Doing what?!” Peridot suddenly yelled in frustration.

“What other people tell you to do.”

Peridot quieted, and for once, she hesitated to give the only response she had ever known, “It’s what we’re made for.”

And for the first time, it sounded illogical.

Peridot picked up the belt. The temple came into view a few strides later. Amethyst showed off her room, the conversation behind them, replaced with idle banter. Through it all, Peridot ran Amethyst’s question through her head, and she tried to formulate a better answer. One of her own. The work on the drill seemed quieter after that. Amethyst thought Peridot had realized that she was keeping her up. None of the Crystals Gems would have ever guessed that this was when she set her tools aside, when the barn was quiet and she was alone, when she closed her eyes and concentrated. And in defiance of what her manager on Homeworld had strictly advised, she tried to summon a weapon.


	54. Lacrimal Essence l Pearl, Rose

The first time Rose cried in front of her, Pearl was surprised. Leaders did not cry, just as they themselves did not charge into battle.

And leaders did not put their (figuratively speaking) heart on their sleeve, revealing their insecurities.

Pearl thought it was beautiful to see such a strong Gem be humble. The Diamond she had once belonged to was adverse to sharing her emotions, unlike Rose. 

They were alone and Rose’s voice was quiet. She reached for Pearl’s hand and in-between the tears, the disclosure and intimacy of touch, Pearl had never felt more important.

Rose could tell her anything. She really believed it then.


	55. Sword l Blue Pearl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warm up inspired by this fanart by kibou-dere:
> 
> http://kibou-dere.tumblr.com/post/149652583658

The sword had been carelessly left by a soldier, who thought it better to chase after their friend than to keep their post. Blue Diamond’s court was slowly falling apart, brick by brick. 

 

Pearl kept her observations, like most things to herself and stared at the sword left on the ground. She did not contemplate picking it up until after staring for a full ten minutes. Her movements were slow, graceful yet hesitant. 

 

She thought the sword would be heavy, she’d never held a weapon before but it was light, like the feeling bubbling up in her chest.

 

The renegade Pearl had held a sword, not like this. That pearl’s sword was thin as a pin with a beautifully ornate pommel. This sword, normally in the hands of a burly quartz was thick, the pommel broad and undecorated save for words etched into the metal that pearl couldn’t read.

 

The sun’s light bounced off the blade, bright and blinding but pearl did not cover her eyes. For the first time, she parted the curtain of hair from her eyes to have a better look. She did not mind the glare. She stroked the blade with her finger and did not pull back when her finger was neatly rend open.

 

She thought about the pearl that had dismantled soldiers three times her size, how she had kept her natural poise and elegance holding a sword. How she had fought like it was what she was meant to, like it was what she wanted to do.

 

Pearl envied her, wanted to be her. She wanted to be with her.

 

Pearl gripped the sword like she remembered that ‘terrifying’ renegade pearl had.

 

And then she sooner dropped the sword, hearing the rush of heavy footsteps. Pearl ducked behind a pillar, nursing her cut finger. She recognized the owner of the sword’s voice and sat there, chest beating, waiting, expecting them to take back their post like they were supposed to. But they didn’t. They walked away and took the sword with them.   
Blue Diamond’s court was slowly falling apart, the rebels had gained in numbers. Everything would be eventual, inevitable. Pearl wondered what she could do to help. She did not have a sword, not yet but she had her eyes on the inside and Blue Diamond still trusted her, thought her stupid. 

 

And as she stood, her back against the pillar, thinking, she realized she had so much more than a sword, more than anyone thought she was capable of.


	56. House Guests

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What if Steven rented out the Beach House on Airbnb? What would the reviews look like?

**About this listing:**

Charming house overlooking the beach. Located conveniently close to The Big Donut and other restaurants and attractions in Beach City. Pets welcome! I have a pet lion. He’s well trained so don’t worry!

No smoking. 

\-------------  
**Reviews:**  
\--------------

 **Janice -** This loft bedroom was exactly what I needed for my stay in Beach City! Steven is a gracious host and brought in fresh donuts from The Big Donut to share every morning! He also gave suggestions for what to do during my stay. The bed was made every night when I finally went to bed. The other housemates were aloof but cordial. I was sad I didn’t get to meet Lion! :(

 **Elinor -** Steven was nice but I took food with me. He said I could borrow the fridge but later when I went to make a snack all my food was gone!! Terrible.

 **Jason -** Steven’s place was in a nice location, close to the beach as described. He and his… mom(?) Amethyst made me feel right at home. The bed was comfortable but I wasn’t able to get much sleep due to some rumbling?? There were also a few fights that broke out but Steven and his aunts? Moms? sisters? were talented fighters and made me feel secure. 

**Marta -** Beautiful location, clean. Unfortunately wasn’t able to meet Steven or the other housemates. His father Greg said they were out on a ‘mission’ but I must have misheard him. Maybe he said trip. 

**Elise -** LION WAS ADORABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Kurt -** Perfect! GREAT location! Mysterious rumbling??

 **Carol -** Looks nice and secure but a fight broke out nearly every night we stayed here. Steven was nice but his moms were rude and I woke up to one of them singing at four in the morning?! Okay.


	57. Beach City Drift l Pearl, Stevonnie

It started when Pearl caught Stevonnie sneaking out at night, wearing the tan windbreaker with the fur, halfway in the Dondai. 

“What are you doing?” She asked. It was an innocent question, not the stern tone Stevonnie imagined.

“Nothing! I mean-” Stevonnie sighed. “I mean. . .” They sighed, stuffing their fists in coat pockets. “We were going to drive. Just for a little bit!” 

Pearl smiled, walking closer. “It’s okay. I don’t have a license either. Mind if I come with you?”

Shocked, Stevonnie nodded and moved out of the way to grant Pearl access to the driver’s side. 

“Actually, why don’t you drive, Stevonnie?”

Before Stevonnie could respond Pearl was in the passenger seat. To show the finality of her decision she buckled up. Stevonnie slowly joined her in the car. Pearl gave them a few minutes so they could calm down, then the key was in the ignition and their bare foot was on the gas petal.

X

“Where are we going?” Pearl asked, they were still within Beach City limits but the scenery was different, somewhere even she was unfamiliar with.

Stevonnie flushed and muttered. “Racing.”

They braced themselves for a lecture, for Pearl to tell them to turn the car back around. But she didn’t. She hummed, watching the scenery bleed by. “You know, I used to race- well it wasn’t meant for fun but. . .”

Stevonnie smiled, the wind in their hair, listening to Pearl.

X

“Who was that?!” Pearl whipped her head around to face Stevonnie, who only tightened their hold on the wheel.

“Kevin. . .” They muttered, trying to conceal their contempt. What they did not show, Pearl expressed in spades.

“Hmph! I can’t believe you let him treat you that way!”

“I’m not letting him.” Stevonnie explained. “It’s better if you don’t let him get to you. Besides, we’re only racing for the view. It’s no big deal.”

“No big deal!” Pearl raised her voice, an octave. “I’ll show him a ‘big deal’.”

The car was still running, rumbling over the finish line, Kevin’s sports car five feet ahead of their’s. Pearl opened the door and Stevonnie half expected her to stomp over to Kevin and do who knows what mom thing but instead she reached the driver’s side and suddenly opened the door. Wordlessly, just knowing, Stevonnie moved out of Pearl’s way, allowing her the driver’s side.

Before took the wheel she called Kevin over and challenged him to a rematch. 

Then she turned to Stevonnie. 

“Get in.”

X

There was no convincing Pearl otherwise and Stevonnie didn’t want to dissuade her. They just hoped the Dondai made it in one piece. Greg would forgive them, but that didn’t give them permission to be reckless with his dream car.

The drive up the bend was slow and Stevonnie was shaking in anticipation. Pearl had the same look Steven saw her wear that time she ran a red light. Pearl had that same look Connie had seen her wear in battle, sometimes during training. They were almost afraid but Pearl turned to them, giving them a once over, checking that they were still buckled up. 

“Just enjoy the view.” Pearl said, although Stevonnie knew she wanted them to watch her. They waited for the signal, ignored Kevin who was making faces at them, and then the match started.

Kevin was in the lead of course but Pearl wasn’t perturbed by that. She just grinned, as if greeting the challenge, or because she knew something he didn’t. Maybe it was a mix of the two. It was Pearl.

They came around the first bend and the Dondai tilted to the left, Pearl’s touch featherlight on the wheel, the turn sharp. Then she switched gears and her grip was strong. Stevonnie ricocheted to the right in spite of the seat belt. Pearl didn’t notice the turbulence, gaze straight ahead.

Kevin was in sight and she had a plan. 

He was ahead of them, and felt he had enough time to flash them a rude hand gesture.

“Oh!” Pearl growled, flooring it. Stevonnie held onto the ‘oh shit handle’. (Did it have a technical name? They’d ask Pearl later.)

Now the cars were side by side, the finish line coming into view. 

“Woo! Go Pearl!” Stevonnie shouted, wishing Amethyst was here to watch. Garnet would have appreciated it too, Steven remembered that shit eating grin she had worn when Pearl had stood up for herself against Peridot’s snide insults. 

Kevin rolled down the window. “I’m not losing to a grandma!”

Those were his last words before the Dondai crossed the finish line. In his rage, in his rolling down the window he had wasted his time. Maybe if he had paid more attention than baiting his opponent he could have won.

Pearl spun the car with a flourish before setting it in park. When she got out she leaned against it, one hand on her hip, smiling as she watched Kevin completely lose it, cursing in circles, yelling in anguish.

“At least I didn’t have to get my grandma to win for me!” He was running out insults and growing bluer in the face by the minute.

“Dude, you lost to a grandma.” Someone laughed.

“I bet my Gunga could take him on.” Jenny said, deeply considering it.

“I am much older than all of your grandmothers combined.” Pearl said, not offended in the least. 

Stevonnie stepped beside Pearl, nudged her, and then pulled her by the arm, pulling her into a hug. Enjoying the view was fun, but sometimes it was good to win too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This concludes this short story collection. Thank you all for reading. When episodes air again in January I will continue the drabbles in a new collection called "War and Glory, Reinvention".

**Author's Note:**

> Follow my blog at http://tat-buns.tumblr.com/ for updates on my other little writing projects. Thank you!


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